User blog:Blazen96/Need To Get Some Things Off My Chest
Okay, I've made a lot of mistakes in the past few weeks that I am definitely not proud of, but I just need to clear some things up. Some of you seem to have labeled me lately as just being this crazy person, but I truly am a nice guy and all of you know that. I know that whenever I'm in a problem with someone, I'm often too quick to jump to the defense. That's something I'm very aware of and am trying to work on. For those of you who don't know, I am bipolar and was diagnosed with depression a few years ago. I am not at all using this as an excuse, but with the things I've dealt with in recent years whenever I face a conflict with a person I automatically think the worst of the situation. That's just me. I'm definitely better now than I was two years ago, but I mentioned there's a lot I need to work on and I am doing so. I just hope you all know that I genuinely don't try to turn things into such big issues. I have a habit of typing things into the computer out of frustration and regretting it immediately after. That's my main downfall- I don't think about the consequences until it's too late. It just seems right now that so many people are starting to hate me at the same time and it sucks, so I just wanted to say some things to a few of you: Jake - There are not enough words I could say to make up for what happened between us last week. A lot of the things that I said to you were out of my anger at that time and I just want you to know that not at all do I hate you. Yes you definitely annoy me sometimes, I'm not going to lie about that, but other than that you're pretty much the greatest friend a person could ever ask for and I completely messed that up. You know you were completely right, towards the end I was a total ass to you. Our "friendship" was basically an owner-and-dog type of thing. I said a lot of hurtful things to you that, joking or not, should not have been said and you just took it constantly for months and said nothing. Honestly I'm glad you finally let out your anger on me, because it was a long time coming and it made me realize how terrible of a person I was being to you the entire time. I know you probably hate my guts right now and we can likely never be friends again, but I just want you to know that you really are an amazing person and I'm sorry. Sami- Hey, so we already talked things out in PMs, but I just want to say that I'm glad we're friends again and it was nice to hear that you were never actually mad at me specifically. I understand that the way I was acting toward people must have been extremely off-putting and if I was in your shoes I probably would have stopped talking to me too. I'm just glad that all of that is behind us, because you're a really fun person and I really hope that's the last time something like that happens. CJ- I don't even know what to say. You know, CJ, of all people no matter how many times I may fuck up, you know that I really am a good person. I've been talking to you for two years and we've never had a single problem. I've opened up to you about some really personal stuff and you helped me through it without ever being judgmental. You really are just such a loving person, and there's not a single mean bone in your body. Look, I'm sorry for kickbanning you. That was honestly just for laughs, you being the laid back guy you are I never thought you'd get upset over that. I don't know if you're actually mad about that or not, but I haven't really been able to tell where we stand these past few days and my PMs are still blocked. I just really hope that's not our downfall, because I really don't want to be on bad terms with you after everything over something so small. Cam - I'm glad we're also on better terms again. We had a lengthy conversation in PMs so not much needs to be said here. At the end of the day, you know where we stand. I truly wasn't trying to start a fight earlier, I should have never spammed the message wall because before I did it I sort of just knew something like that would happen. I don't have negative feelings for you about that and I don't have negative feelings toward you about what we discussed on chat, you're a really good person and all of that was just me blowing something out of proportion yet again. I'm glad we're moving past that and I hope we can continue to move forward. Category:Blog posts Category:Blog posts